The Stereophonic Headquarters for the Rise of the OME

The Top 15 TV Shows of the 2000s

2009-09-18T20:12:00.012-05:00

The 2000s saw a lot of TV. Some bad, some worse. But, there were some exceptional programs. Here are some parameters:

A) No reality shows. While some are good, I'm not going to include them on my best of 2000s list. MTV, the progenitor of the genre, continued to produce the best in this style with shows like True Life, Made, and Rob & Big. Of course, this parameter prevents the inclusion of the incomparable (and deplorable) Man vs. Beast.

B) No variety/comedy/news/talk shows. This was where TV in the 2000s really took off with the continuation of The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, The Soup, and late night shows, particularly Late Night with Conan O'Brien (not The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien) continuing to impress.

C) No shows that only me and a few other people know of because of their limited reach like the Wake Forest University Channel's Sports Night show where someone would inevitably get naked (speed bag!) or the greatest show of all time from Bloomington's Community Access: Lennon Beasley's Drum Show.

D) No shows that were funny to start with and then had probably the worst final episode ever which ended up not actually being its final episode having another network attempt to revive it from the pit of dispair (I'm looking at you Scrubs).

E) Shows must be ones in which I have seen almost every episode, or as many as I could have. I'm not relying on shows I haven't seen but have heard good things about. This leaves out some you might want to put on a list (Wonderfalls, Weeds, How I Met Your Mother, Rome, Dexter, Heroes, 24, Lost, Yo Gabba Gabba, I dunno, whatever it is you kids like).

Enough with the anticipation.

15. Office-UK (BBC2, 2001-2003)

Hilarious, yet heart-wrenching mockumentary that maps the trajectory of human relationships in the most quotidian of settings: the workplace.
It was understated, realistic, and had the ability to pull the plug when the love theme was losing its pull: all reasons why it is here and the American version is not.
Fav clip

14. The Sopranos (HBO, 1999-2007)

HBO's gangster epic about human beings in the midst of a seemingly alternate universe that is actually right under our noses.
Fav character

13. Boomtown (NBC, 2002-2003)

A cop show that presents the story from various angles of the crime, letting the viewer investigate deeper into the lives that are involved than simply solving the case.
A sleeper on this list. What Law & Order should be: better arching narratives that connect a weekly crime caper.
Marky Mark's brother is in it, and is really good.

12. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (FX, 2005-pres)

What is more vain than vanity? This is. It tackles the big issues (gun control, abortion, religion, international relations, and the Revolutionary War) in the most pointless of contexts (a bar run by five inept individuals)...and it is hilarious.
If the rest of the show were to be the worst show ever, it would still make this show for Season 4's concluding rock opera: The Night Man Cometh! Now in theaters near you!

11. Six Feet Under (HBO, 2001-2005)

The same emotional and familial prying we love and expect from HBO set in a funeral home and dealing with death to death.
Probably ranked higher than The Sopranos because I can relate to it more. And by more I mean very little.

10. Mad Men (AMC, 2007-pres)

Men from the early 60s dress in nice suits, womanize, drink, smoke, and make a buck...and are sad while doing it. Women dress in nice dresses, pine, drink, smoke, have babies, drink and smoke while having babies, and attempt to work...and are sad while doing it.
One of the smartest, sleekest, and design-iest shows ever. Also, great uses of natural conversational pauses and dead time, in general.

9. Party Down (STARZ, 2009-pres)

Aspiring actors (in life disguises as caterers) work a low wage job and make us, but not each other, laugh along the way.
A great blend of subtle and over-the-top humor, great dialogue, and better one-liners than 30 Rock.
Watch this show if you have not (Netflix watch instantly!).

8. Freaks and Geeks (NBC, 1999-2000)

Judd Apatow's great coming-of-age, brilliantly acted high school dramedy from the lineage of The Wonder Years.
Probably my personal favorite show of all time, but not the "best."

7. Friday Night Lights (NBC, 2006-pres)

Sports and relationships in small town America.
Acting, acting, and acting.

6. Huff (SHO, 2004-2006)

Ensemble cast about a shrink (Hank Azaria) with family probs out the waz.
No season 2 on DVD are you kidding me!

5. Arrested Development (FOX, 2003-2006)

A mockumentary about the Bluths, a highly dysfunctional family, who attempt to survive corporate fraud by the least effective of means.
The smartest pure comedy show ever with meta-jokes for days!
One of many fav scenes.

4. Extras (HBO, 2005-2007)

Ricky Gervais as a movie extra making moves for his big shot, blundering all the way.
Ashley Jensen wins the award for best female in any show ever. The special series finale was one of the most poignant bits of TV ever - itself a commentary on the industry and pop culture.
Fav scene

3. Veronica Mars (CW/UPN 2004-2007)

A sassy and hilarious Encyclopedia Brown (Kristen Bell) solving capers in the context of meaningful meta-themes: racism, classism, and sexism.
I'm not kidding, this is a fantastic show that's everything I like about TV. 1 part escapist entertainment, 1 part slick writing, 1 part good acting, 1 part clever storylines that involve both single-episode and season-long arcs, and a dash of the greatest setting ever for TV: the high school.
Trailer that doesn't give away too much (excuse the crappy quality).

2. The Wire (HBO, 2002-2008)

A heady look into all aspects of American inner city struggles: crime, morality, politics, education, economics, race (etc., etc., etc.). If that's not ambitious enough, it finds time to create unparalleled character development.
Hyperrealistic: except for the framing music, it only uses diegetic music.
Undoubtedly, the greatest television program ever. However, I had to make this list interesting and a bit unique. But to be clear: there is no reason in actuality why this would ever be number 2.

1. Skins (E4, 2007-pres)

Ensemble cast of British teens struggling with life and love as they end their high school years - what an edgy teen dramedy on HBO might look like: drugs, sex, parties, relationships.
Disclaimer: I haven't seen the newest season (with a new generation cast) since I don't live in England.
Trailer for the first generation

Just missed the cut: Curb Your Enthusiasm, Summer Heights High, Undeclared, Pushing Daisies

Best news program: CBS Sunday Morning

Guilty pleasure that still doesn't warrant a spot on list: Ghost Whisperer

Shows that you like that don't belong on the list: The Office, 30 Rock, and Sex and the City.

August 4, 2009: Photo Essay.

2009-08-04T13:10:00.007-05:00

Seeing as a legitimate severe storm was coming, I decided to hop on the trusty two wheels so as to make it to school/work for the afternoon. Recognizing that I would be inside all afternoon and could get a ride at the end of the day, I packed no umbrella. My 15 minute bike ride proved quite interesting.

12:28pm

12:40pm

Another Jam

2009-07-01T10:16:00.003-05:00

I Remember This As Somewhat Of A Jam...

2009-04-29T09:58:00.001-05:00

Some of My Favorite Google Trends

2009-04-18T21:14:00.005-05:00

1. Headbutt

2. A Seasonal Song Fo Sho

3. Hasn't this been there forever?

4. Sweden and Honolulu are rocking it, but no one was before mid-2006. Weird.

5. Meteoric (rise and fall).

Compare and Contrast: Black Eyed Peas vs. Flight of the Conchords

2009-04-07T08:23:00.005-05:00

I heard the new BEP single and immediately thought of one of my favy FOTC songs. Now I'm confused as to whether FOTC's satire is just so advanced they're able to mock things that have yet to be released (since their song predates the BEP song by several years) or if BEP is so self-aware that they are making a dollar. I'd be less suspicious if FOTC hadn't already taken aim at BEP (see Case #2).

Case #1:

BEP: "Boom Boom Pow" (2009)

FOTC: "She's So Hot, Boom" (at latest 2005) (notice how this video is also very much like the BEP's "Hey Mama")

Case #2:

BEP: "My Humps" (2005)

VH1 TV Shows | Music Videos | Celebrity Photos | News & Gossip

FOTC: "Sugalumps" (2008)

Best Drum Fill Ever Makes Cameo In New Movie!

2009-03-31T11:33:00.004-05:00

As both of you know, I have a strong affinity for the drum fill in Phil Collins' "In the Air Tonight." This new movie, which looks quite hill-air has an amazing cameo by a person and a cameo by the drum fill. Enjoy!

I Am A YouTube Star: Best Setlist Ever Edition

2009-03-29T20:38:00.003-05:00

Well, Xiaoshi Wei and the Jagermeisters made their return after a smashup debut performance. This night's event was a schizogeneric tour through the annals of American popular music. Here's a sampling.

1) Elenore - The Turtles

2) Toxic/Womanizer - Brit Brit

3) Don't You Want Me - The Human League

4) How Bizarre - OMC

I Am A YouTube Star: Chinese New Year Edition

2009-03-25T20:21:00.003-05:00

I was asked to perform with Xiaoshi Wei of Xiaoshi Wei and the Jagermeisters fame for the IU Chinese New Year Celebration. Our performance was so so but his solo set that follows ours on this video was a gem. Give it some time to load, it's worth it! Listen in HQ also!

He's baaaack...

2009-03-01T15:39:00.003-05:00

I Am A YouTube Star: Atkins/Reed via Gershwin Edition

2009-02-21T16:05:00.002-05:00

The ATM holds a monthly concert series and this month, some past and present employees got to play a variety of guitar music. It was an honor to be a part of it.

Here is (L to R), myself, Timon, Xiaoshi, and Rich playing a Jerry Reed/Chet Atkins inspired version of Gershwin's "Summertime." Enjoy!

My Favorite Music Videos of All Time! (by Spike Jonze)

2009-01-22T09:48:00.014-05:00

I had every intention of making a post about my favorite music videos, in general. Then I realized that practically all of my top 5 would be Spike Jonze vids. Even now after limiting it to just those by Jonze, I've left off some obvious choices. I mean Sabotage, Cannonball, Undone, Weapon of Choice . . . come on! Also, if I wasn't such an unabashed Weezer fan, I think number one and two would be switched...the Fatlip video is so sweet. Enjoy!

5. The Pharcyde - Drop (1996)

4. Bjork - It's Oh So Quiet (1995)

3. Fatboy Slim - Praise You (1998)

2. Fatlip - What's Up Fatlip (2000)

1. Weezer - Buddy Holly (1994)

On Being Tall...

2009-01-20T21:25:00.000-05:00

The people have spoken. In my first ever democratic blogging poll, seven (that's right...seven!) of you wish to hear about what it's like being tall. First, some parameters...I am considered "tall" because at 6'4.5", I am clearly taller than the average male in the United States at 5'9.2". FYI: One of the shorter countries is Indonesia where the average height for a man is 5'2.2" whereas, one of the tallest is the Netherlands at almost 6'1". Because of my height, I cannot join NOSSA (the National Organization of Short Statured Adults) for men under 5'7" and women under 5'2". I can however join a branch of Tall Clubs International which is for men over 6'2" and women over 5'10" and I can ride most amusement park rides. Heightism is a legitimate and growing concern for which advocates have raised legislation and proposals (although...I might add, these ventures have been heavily biased towards the causes of short people).

Something I find amusing about height is how people seem to consistently lie about their own height. This is particularly amusing given the fact that anyone who is able to see can simply assess a claim about one's height - but nevertheless, lies abound. It is common in sports to list players at taller and heavier stats than they actually are, people who are just shy of 5 or 6 feet often round up even though it is clearly a lie, and some people just lie because they are weirdos. The only time I have ever lied about my height is when I claimed to be 6'5" at my undergrad to qualify for a long bed. Sue me. Although it appears that now, the requirement has been changed to 6'3" - now that's what I call progress!

After looking around on the interweb to see what people list as the pros/cons of being tall, I was surprised at the abundance of trite and utterly obvious observations about these issues. You have trouble fitting into pants!? OMG! Cars and planes and beds aren't comfortable? WTF! You can see better at concerts?! STFU!

I know those types of observations are not what bring the masses to the OME. Here people crave truth - deep, pervasive, and life-changing insights. So I present to you the serious implications that being tall has on one man's life in America.

Disadvantages:

1) I feel ethically obligated not to laugh at Randy Newman's song, "Short People."

2) I look like a total tool when I ride a bike, which I do every day.

3) Leg wrestling is often awkward and unfair for both participants.

4) Getting mistaken for Gheorghe Muresan.

5) Automatic fail at human tetris.

Advantages:

1) I can dunk the crap out of a basketball.

2) I can block the crap out of a short person shooting a basketball.

3) I can rebound the crap out of a basketball.

4) I can win the crap out of a jump ball against a short person in basketball.

5) I can be the crap on the receiving end of an alley-oop in basketball.

So, there you have it. Everything you needed to know about being tall. The tall and tall of it.

My Hero: Maurice Flitcroft

2009-01-14T19:02:00.013-05:00

Many of us have heroes/heroines and regard them as such for various reasons. Mine takes the form of one unassuming man, Maurice Flitcroft, and the reason is for his being the most awesomest dude ever. Born in Barrow-in-Furness, England in 1929, Maurice dabbled in various work, including that of crane driver, laborer, railway porter, ice cream salesman, bus driver, and stuntcomedy high diver. But in these various accomplishments does not lie the reason for Flitcroft's heroism. This, my friends, lies in the fact that "Maurice believes, on the flimsiest of evidence, that he is a golfer" (Dobereiner, 1985).

The tale begins in 1976 when Maurice pursued his delusion to the extreme by entering the British Open - the most revered of all golf championships, perhaps the most revered championship of any sport. By definition, the Open is precisely that, open, however, Flitcroft surpassed the initial qualifying rounds by presenting himself as a professional golfer. This would be the equivalent of a ridiculous Week 1 American Idol contestant somehow being granted license to go straight to Hollywood. Flitcroft's performance was not surprising. He carded a 61 on the front nine and after recognizing, quite accurately, that he would need to improve on the back side, he did . . . with a 60. His 121 remains the highest ever in a major tournament.

When the press started buzzing, Flitcroft's mother received a phone call concerning her son's performance to which she replied, "Oh, has he won?" He had not. However, his score was, in fact, not too bad considering the fact that this was the first round of golf Maurice had ever played. He continued his quest for Open fame as he began using a variety of pseudonyms to gain entry into the tourney. Surprisingly, Flitcroft was successful at gaining admissions on FOUR more occasions as a presumed professional! In 1978 he played nine holes before being escorted off. In 1980 he "pulled out of the qualifying competition without hitting a shot because he felt that his game was not sharp enough for a sustained challenge" (Dobereiner). In 1984, he reentered as "Monsieur Gerard Hoppy, professeur de golf: Switzerland" whose 63 shots on the front nine saw cause for his removal. In 1990, as "Gene Paychecki: United States," Flitcroft was removed after being three over after two holes (not too bad one might think; however, when stopped by an official, Flitcroft could not produce an American accent and his cover was blown).

For the various reasons listed above, Maurice Flitcroft is my hero. Flitcroft passed away in 2007 but continues to inspire many.

Dobereiner, Peter. 1985. "Maurice Flitcroft: The Open's Don Quixote: How a Hapless Hacker Harassed the Royal & Ancient." Golf Digest.

I Am A YouTube Star: Christmas Music Edition

2008-12-15T22:27:00.002-05:00

I've finally hit the big time. Thanks to the one and only Xiaoshi Wei, here are some YouTube clips from the annual Indiana Folklore and Ethnomusicology Christmas Coffeehouse. Enjoy!

The first two take the form of the epic megagroup Xiaoshi Wei & the Jagermeisters. The band consists of: 3-4 guitars, a toy guitar used as a slide, mandolin, ukulele, musical saw, dan bau, washboard, charango, and upright bass.

1) Mele Kalikimaka: The Hawaiian Christmas Song

2) Christmas in Jail

The next two take the form of Timon and myself with some special guests posing as our bodyguards/rhythm section.

3) Carol of the Bells/Greensleeves

4) Hong Kong Blues (Hoagy Carmichael)

Happy New Year.

My Favorite Weird Christmas Songs

2008-12-07T20:21:00.005-05:00

Here's a list of some odd Christmas songs I like and some pretty random YouTube versions to increase the whole oddness of the listening/viewing experience.

1. "Dominick the Donkey" by Ray Allen

2. "Meli Kalikimaka: The Hawaiian Christmas Song" by R. Alex Anderson (a good version exists by Bing Crosby and the Andrews Sisters)

3. "Ay, Ay, Ay, It's Christmas" by Rickey Martin

4. "Come On, Let's Boogey to the Elf Dance" by Sufjan Stevens

5. And because I couldn't find a YouTube video, one of my favorite Christmas songs: "Merry Christmas" by Wesley Willis.

Charts and Graphs: Huey Lewis and Mya Edition

2008-11-18T21:20:00.005-05:00

A new theme for the blog will be charts and graphs. Enjoy.

(click on an image to enlarge)

(nod to Greg for the Mya idea!)

My Favorite Documentaries about Music

2008-11-16T14:52:00.000-05:00

1) Latcho Drom
Seemingly an ethnomusicologist's rite of passage, Tony Gatlif's film tells the story of the historical journey of the Romani peoples through glimpses at musicians in action in contemporary daily life. Moving westerly from India to Spain/Portugal, the viewer gets glimpses and sounds from the various musical traditions that have developed over time, a large part due to the Romani's influence.

I was obviously most attracted to the Gypsy-Swing portion, and I think Gatlif was, as well. His 2002 film, Swing, showcases this music culture while telling a coming-of-age story. For another great music documentary about this music style, check out DJANGOMANIA! - a fantastic look at the international appeal of the Romani's brand of jazz, made most famous by Django.

2) The Devil and Daniel Johnston

A great look at "Outsider Music," in general, and a good talk piece for how various people articulate and negotiate the term "genius" in relationship to musical production.

3) Danielson: A Family Movie (or, Make a Joyful Noise HERE)

A fantastic glimpse into the wide world of music where artists, fans, critics, and institutions engage in discourse about musical style and issues of religious belief (read: why I'm still in school). The Danielson Famile (sic.) are members of a family and are members of a band. Beyond that, definitions get interesting. It's great fun to watch people's reactions to the band and the ways in which both the band and others attempt to classify Danielson in terms of both their musical genre and relationship to Christianity. Also, for some of you fans, there are several Sufjan sightings.

4) Young @ Heart

While a bit of a sap-fest, this movie is still pretty hilarious, provoking, and inspiring. While it really deals much more with issues of aging and loss, it certainly has a core musical thrust that is quite amazing. Watch the trailer below to get the gist of the plot, but for those that want a reminder or a spoiler for those who haven't seen it, check out this climactic scene that you have to see the whole film to truly appreciate.

5) DiG!

A great look at how idiotic rock stars can be. The film highlights the ups and downs of two bands, The Dandy Warhols and The Brian Jonestown Massacre. I'm not a fan of either group and the movie left me feeling even further from their music and especially their personalities, but the movie itself is a compelling investigation of vanity, substance abuse, and image in relation to the music biz. If you doubt their ridiculousness, check out their attempt to get a sweet record deal at an industry showcase.

Honorable Mentions: Moog, and in the same vein, Theremin: An Electronic Odyssey, as mentioned, DJANGOMANIA!, Saturday Night/Sunday Morning: The Travels of Gatemouth Moore, (hope your nearest University has a copy of it) and Air Guitar in Oulu (not Air Guitar Nation).

Intentionally Absent: Buena Vista Social Club and The Last Waltz

Your move TR.

My Favorite Maps

2008-11-13T11:52:00.018-05:00

I've always been interested in maps and geography. So much so that I would bite out the shapes of all 50 states from one piece of American cheese as a kid (I'm not kidding). So, here are a few of my favorite maps. Many can be found at strangemaps - a great blog! Maybe if pH still reads this blog he can add some others.

1) Area Codes In Which Ludacris Claims to Have Hoes

There is a great write-up about this here.

2) Music Map of the United States

View big here.

Looks pretty good. However, I think they forgot Speed Garage somewhere in California.

3) Generic Names for Soft Drinks by County

I'm sure you've seen this, but it is pretty awesome. If there was a way to isolate my house, it would be skewed by my dad's use of "Pepsi" to refer to all soft drinks.

4) Prevalence of States Mentioned in Country-Music Lyrics

I was shocked there's no mention of New Hampshire in Country!

5) Percentage of Light Hair in Europe

This is mainly to challenge my wife's claim to Swedish ancestry.

Jazz Guitarists I Like...And Music You Might Use For Sleeping or Studying

2008-11-10T20:28:00.007-05:00

Just so you know...

1) Wes Montgomery: He's to me as Django was to Emmet Ray. Love the thumb and especially the octaves!

2) Ed Bickert: Unbelievably beautiful comping. Check him out with Paul Desmond on Pure Desmond!.

3) Lenny Breau: My favorite at artificial harmonics. And comping for himself.

4) Ted Greene: Great harmonic grips.

5) Django Reinhardt: Duh. I did a fairly extensive transcription of this solo even noting his left hand fingering should anyone be interested.

Sure there's some obvious omissions. Next in line would be something like: Joe Pass, Grant Green, Howard Roberts, Charlie Christian, Jim Hall, etc. I guess I lean towards some of the standard "greats." I also lean towards some fingerstyle, dense compers like Breau and Greene. Two other great fingerstyle players: Tommy Crook and Martin Taylor (best guitarist name ever). Biggest shocker: two Tele players in the top 5! It also appears I lean away from some newer, more out there stuff. No negativity towards that. Just preference. Hope you enjoy some of the music.

Two Fun Facts from the Society for Ethnomusicology Conference

2008-10-29T19:54:00.005-05:00

1. The most played song by the U.S. military to aid in the torture of prisoners is the theme from Barney, "I Love You."

2. This guy's YouTube channel is AMAZING.

My Favorite Pop Song Per Decade: 1950-2000

2008-10-16T18:57:00.020-05:00

Here I pick my favorite pop song and runner-up from each decade from 1950-2000. I picked based on two criteria: 1) the song had to chart in the top 40 on the equivalent of today's Billboard Hot 100 and 2) the song should be the best signifier of the entire decade of music in my head. (Off topic question: can one be nostalgic for a time in which they did not live?)

50s:
"Smoke Gets In Your Eyes" by The Platters (1959, #1)

Runner Up: "Sleep Walk" by Santo and Johnny (1959, #1)

60s:
"Elenore" by The Turtles (1968, #6)

Runner Up: "Just One Look" by Doris Troy (1963, #10)

70s:
"Dancing in the Moonlight" by King Harvest (1973, #13)

Runner Up: "September" by Earth Wind and Fire (1978, #8)

80s:
"Promises, Promises" by Naked Eyes (1983, #11)

Runner Up: "I Can't Go For That" by Hall & Oates (1982, #1)

90s:
"Your Woman" by White Town (1997, #23)

Runner Up: "Dreamlover" by Mariah Carey (1993, #1)

Interesting note: Chicago barely missed my list in two generations: "Saturday in the Park" (1972, #3) and "Hard to Say I'm Sorry" (1982, #1)

My Favorite Movies About Music

2008-10-10T20:50:00.013-05:00

I've seen a lot of movies. I've seen a lot of movies that deal with music. So, here are my favorites. My only parameter: no documentaries - I might save that idea for a future post.

1) Sweet and Lowdown
Even though this may be some of the worst musical direction considering Sean Penn's playing is terribly off the entire film, the story is great, the music is better (nods to Howard Alden), and even though Emmet Ray is not a real person, the film brought Django Reinhardt into the public eye again.

2) Orfeu Negro (Black Orpheus)
This is what you get when you cross contemporary Brazil (in 1959) during Carnaval, Greek legend, and some amazing bossa nova by Jobim and Bonfa (music) and de Moraes (lyrics). At times it is quite far-fetched, as in the prominent role of Death (while not as prominent as Death in Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey). Nevertheless, it has some really poignant moments, especially the children who think Orpheus' guitar causes the sun to rise. Beautiful.

3) Les Parapluies de Cherbourg (The Umbrellas of Cherbourg)
The only true musical to make my list! A visual and sonic tour de force, Jacques Demy's jazz musical starring Catherine Deneuve and Nino Castelnuovo is entirely sung. A simple story-arc that deals with class differences, young love, and the personal stress caused by war, the film elegantly displays the ebb and flow of the character's emotions. Michel Legrand's music is the key and his tune "I Will Wait For You," possibly my favorite melody of all time, is a good example of how to make an otherwise possibly blase story come to life.

4) Once
Maybe it's because I didn't watch this at a private screening at Dustin Hoffman's house that I don't think this movie blew like some people. For us laypeople, this movie, like the previous one, contains about as simple of a story-arc as possible: a tale of lost love and possible love, of hope and courage, of chance meetings and taking action. The music is not the most mind-blowing music ever made, but that's the point. It's passionate, believable, and quite good! The clip I've included is pretty poor quality but its the best scene in the movie. It really gets at some studio dynamics that are all too real. Also, their Oscar acceptance speech was amazing. See a review of that here.

5) Get Over It
You knew that a teen comedy had to creep in here sooner than later! While technically not "about" music, this movie is basically a musical, and the last 20 or so minutes is basically a movie about a musical about a musical about a play. One of the more underrated teen flicks, this movie is self-aware, WAY over-the-top, and hilarious. Also, you can't go wrong with a cast that includes Martin Short, Kirsten Dunst, Ed Begley Jr., and two people contending for the title of worst actor of all time: Sisqo and Colin Hanks.

Honorable Mentions:
Shine (maybe the movie with the best musical direction ever) and another teen comedy, That Thing You Do.
You'll notice I didn't include any mockumentaries like Spinal Tap or A Mighty Wind. No real reason, they're pretty good. What would you include?

Now, Methodism, You Keep Still For A Few Moments...

2008-10-09T08:13:00.008-05:00

This could classify as a favorite moment in life. My grandfather gave me this article a while ago and it is the best newspaper article I've ever read. Its from my hometown newspaper, the Daily News Record, from March the 16th, 1937. However, it is reporting on a story from 1820. I'd say that's about the average rate of turnaround for the DNR.

The article reads:
The first prize fight in Harrisonburg was fought in front of Hollander's Store in 1820. A man walked all the way from Winchester to thrash a local Methodist preacher named William Cravens. The preacher began life as a stone mason, and as such was noted for his great physical powers.
He did not want to fight the bully, but, having come so far, the man would not be pacified. Cravens took off his Methodist coat, his tie and stock, placed them on the ground, put a Methodist hymnal on them to keep the wind from blowing them away, rolled his sleeves above his elbows, and saying to the parcels on the ground; "Now, Methodism, you keep still for a few moments," sailed into the man from Winchester in true Jeffries style. In about thirty minutes the fight was over and the minister was the victor. Gathering up his vestments, he donned them, walked to his home and resumed the writing of a sermon on the "Efficacy of Prayer," as if nothing had interrupted the thread of his essay.

Lotus Festival: Top 5

2008-10-05T10:43:00.018-05:00

The Lotus Fest was as awesome as one could have expected. I saw 15 artists/groups that were all excellent but a few shows stood out to me. Here are my top five:

1) Mucca Pazza
This self-proclaimed nerd fest was the surprise of the festival for me. Last year I had seen March Fourth Marching Band and their parade was amazing (which it was again this year). However, Mucca Pazza's stage show was hilarious, high energy, involving, and unique. My friend called it "eye candy:" a great description. Each member was constantly moving around and, while everyone obviously had the same comedic sense, they each found their own way to express it. Excellent show!

2) Little Cow
With a guy looking exactly like Yanni on the bass I was at first skeptical, but with a description of Hungarian Ska/Rock/Gypsy, I was ready. This band was silly, fun, and very danceable. They sang mostly in English, used puppets, and featured an accordion! Great fun!

3) The Reverend Peyton's Big Damn Band
From Indiana's own Brown County, The Reverend Peyton, his wife, Washboard Breezy, and his brother Jayme (who plays a drum set complete with a 10-gallon pickle bucket for a floor tom) brought the tent down with some boot-stomping fun. One of the more committed acts I've ever seen in terms of style and performance, the Big Damn Band was musically interesting (especially the Reverend's good slide/fingerstyle guitaring) and hilarious. My favorite song was based on a true story appropriately titled: "Your Cousin's on COPS." Go see this band live when they come near you, which they probably will.

4) Sogbety Diomande's West African Drum and Dance Company
Members who once were part of the Ivory Coast's national ballet, Sogbety Diomande's West African Drum and Dance Company were amazing musicians and dancers. Doing traditional masked performance, the event was highlighted by an elaborately costumed stilt-walker doing flips, pop-ups, and any other physical thing that I can't do without stilts. The video doesn't show what the group performance was like but gives a glimpse at the drumming abilities and style.

5) Etugen Ensemble
A four-piece ensemble playing traditional Mongolian repertoire on two-stringed horse-head fiddles and a plucked zither plus their amazing overtone throat singing. A friend of mine called their performance "transcendent" and I felt it was quite compelling even though I know nothing about the tradition/music.

Honorable Mentions: James Hill and Anne Davison: A ukulele virtuoso (yes, you read correctly) and a cellist playing bluegrass, jazz, etc. and Pistolera: a Latin-Alt Folkklorico group that rocked the house.

Sometimes When I Feel Blue...

2008-10-01T19:02:00.005-05:00

I listen to the high harmony on Mitch Ryder's "Devil With the Blue Dress."

Favorite Moment in Life #9351

2008-09-30T11:51:00.003-05:00

Seeing this video for the first time:

Evidently, the lead singer is getting a Ph.D. in French Lit at Columbia. I imagine he'll be an interesting prof.

Favorite Moment in Life #3462

2008-09-29T17:39:00.005-05:00

Erin and I were walking in the park when we heard someone say "37 on your left." At that point, 37 people on bikes rode past us. One girl had a boom box playing in her bike basket. This was, of course, in Bloomington.

The Blog is Back in Town.

2008-09-29T17:31:00.003-05:00

Because my other blog gets one reader, I thought I'd expand my audience by revisiting this one where it gets two. Me and my wife. Hi wife. But, if there happen to be any people out in the blogosphere who would be interested in anything from me, let me know, and this will be a democratic blogging process.

For now I'm going to start listing some of my favorite moments in life. I hope anyone who stumbles across this is doing well.

They just don't make songs like they used to...

2007-11-26T13:03:00.001-05:00

Yes. . . Yes, they do.

My Favorite Joke Ever

2007-10-30T22:29:00.001-05:00

My dad told me this joke when I was a sophmore in high school. Whenever I retell it, which is approximately once per month, I refuse to update it so turn back your clocks to 1997.

After a terrible season, Jerry Jones, the owner of the Cowboys, was wondering how the Packers were doing so well so he decided to visit Green Bay to get some info.

He called over Mike Holmgren and said, "Hey Mike, how are you all doing so well?"

Holmgren replied, "It's easy. First things first, you've got to have a smart quarterback. Hey Brett, come over here." Brett Favre came jogging over and Holmgren said, "Brett, who is your father's brother's nephew?"

Brett paused for a moment and said, "Well, that'd be me coach."

"Good job. Now get back to practice." said Holmgren. Jerry Jones, feeling a sense of enlightenment, quickly returned to Dallas, ready to turn things around.

Upon arriving back in Dallas, Jones called over Troy Aikman and said, "Hey Troy, who is your father's brother's nephew?"

Troy thought about it for a bit and said, "Hmmm...Would it be alright if I get back to you on that one?" Jones agreed telling him to come back after practice.

During practice, Troy called over Deion Sanders and said, "Hey Deion, who is your father's brother's nephew?"

Deion thought about it for a bit and then said "Well, that'd be me!"

Troy nodded with approval and went back to show Jones what he'd learned.

Jerry Jones said "Well, did you figure it out?"

Aikman replied, "Sure did. It's Deion Sanders."

Jones responded, "No, you idiot, it's Brett Favre."

Assassination as a Policy

2007-06-04T11:44:00.001-05:00

I was impressed by Dennis Kucinich's consistently peace-related stances amidst the torrent of Wolf Blitzer's hypothetical questions. While Clinton and Obama retreated into their omnipresent politician-posture and refused to comment on hypotheticals, Kucinich maintained that he would not use assassination as a policy whether or not any collateral damage would result. The question was loaded and included the points that he would have 20 minutes to make the decision, Afghan citizens would die, but they would kill bin Laden. Clinton waffled as she acknowledged that her platonic-business-partner-yet-enabler-for-tax-benefits-spouse tried to bomb bin Laden unsuccessfully, yet, she still refused to state her stance. She did, however, raise her hand stating she would use assassination as a policy, with all the other democratic candidates save Kucinich when Blitzer blitzkrieged them with this hypothetical.

I wonder how many of those candidates would have raised their hands if the loaded hypothetical had contained one more facet..."Would you use assassination as a policy if you knew you had a 20 minute window to kill bin Laden and he was in the United States so the collateral damage would be American lives?" Because, Homeland Security surely wouldn't help. Especially if he has TB.

Current News Headline Suggesting An Alternate Reality

2007-04-12T23:53:00.001-05:00

CNN: "U.S. Navy Shows off terror-fighting dolphins" POSTED: 12:10 a.m. EDT, April 13, 2007

Hooiser Daddy?

2007-03-28T22:53:00.001-05:00

When contemplating my upcoming move to Indiana, I was concerned about my future geographic label. I have always associated with being a "Virginian" but never quite made it to claiming "North Carolinian." I am also an "American" and a "Global Citizen." But what are people in Indiana called? I searched the net and here's what I got. The news is good!

Key: -ans (red), -ians (blue), -ers (green), -ites (yellow), -ders (orange), Hoosiers (purple)

That rules. I'm totally moving.

On Constructive Criticism...

2007-02-27T22:50:00.001-05:00

While I long for the day when the headlines will read “AP: YouTube Forces Idiots to Do a Minimum of 30 Seconds Research before Posting Comments,” I don’t think it will ever come to pass. If YouTube is a reflection at all of society at large, we have lost the ability to offer constructive criticism much less make comments that are remotely correct. I have been checking out many examples of performed music that people post on YouTube. These posts range from the teenage guitar hacker trying to impress his first crush, the delusional twenty-something who thinks she is incredible, the 60 year old dude covering John Mayer, to persons who post videos of actual professional musicians. The consistent thread between these is that the millions of idiots who are alive on planet earth somehow find a common forum for releasing their "thoughts" in the comments sections. If nothing else, I would hope that the American Idol judges start looking to these forums for more zingers.

Here are some of my thoughts on a few general examples (let one general sic. function for all of these quotes):

“it may be fault of the microphone...i dont really know,really good voice,guitar play not so good...you have to play the accords a bit longer,that the sound of them really comes to its good...try it! itll help,gl hf playing guitar,and never give it up,i did and im sorry for it :( ”

- I can only assume that “accords” means “chords.” Because of the sheer absence of anything resembling normal grammatical or spelling conventions and the utter lack of musical insight in this comment, I cannot believe that this person has ever been in the position to even give up guitar playing.

“The guitar work is HORRIBLE! But you have a very pleasant voice, work it out with a slow tempo and keep practicing. And please, don't EVER sing that song ever again UNLESS you become as big as Johnny Cash. After The Man in Black has sung that song anyone who tries to perform it will just feel empty.”

- I guess “work it out with a slow tempo and keep practicing” doesn’t refer to this song since the commenter wishes that this performer not “EVER sing that song ever again.” Oh, that is, “UNLESS” they become as big as Johnny Cash.

“voice SUCKS...please stfu”

- While I can most certainly estimate what “stfu” stands for, one interpretation quite possibly could be that this means “Stop This Foolish Undereducated idiot that is me from ever wasting your time with this meaningless and scathing nothingness that is this comment.”

“Dude not to be mean or anything but,you just slaughtered my favorite song of all time and, I never want to see you in a video even try singing a good song ever again.”

-Thanks for not meaning to be mean…intentions are all that matters.

On Django Reinhardt: “is there something wrong with his left hand pinky and ring finger? if not then i even have better technique”

-Thirty seconds, that’s all I ask.

To a female musician: “no offence but that sucks.. u hav a gd voice but tht song needs to be sung in a much deeper tone to add more feeling to it.. there aint a sad tone in this cover”

- Very constructive. Become a male before singing a cover song.

On the Stone Temply Pilot’s song Plush (a canonical song for guitar novices: very, very easy):
“nice effort, you know you've gone and picked a really really hard piece to play. The vocals are a little off, the guitar chords are a little off too. Butconcidering the difficulty of the piece your going down the right road.thx for sharing with us !”

- This is like the anti-Simon: either this is typographic sarcasm that I cannot quite decipher or the performer’s mom.

“no offence but u jus hurt my ears. nothing was fluid about it, try keeping a bea on d guitar n hamonising ur voice to it cos ur way off!”

- I’ve tried keeping a "bea" on my guitar. Results are still pending. Furthermore, I’ve tried harmonizing with my own voice but just couldn't make it happen.

“not really. my god that sucked. being completely honest, it sounds like a 7 year old was playing. look around youtube for other people playing, and you will realize how terrible you really are.”

- Again, very constructive. Thank you.

Comments for the same song:
“flat”
“sharp”

- At least these astute observers have good ears.

On Matisyahu: “baddass hes my idol!!!!!”

- I wonder what Hashem would think about this?

Another on Matisyahu:“batida style”

- This one is quite baffling. The only time I have ever run across this word is when I was learning right hand guitar techniques for bossa nova music. A quick internet search (30 seconds baby) provided little to no results, suggesting the rarity of this word. So why would someone feel led to simply state “batida style.” This was not in response or related to any other comments. The internet search provided the following information: “batida is invariably taught as straight time: one-ee-and-uh played with thumb (one), fingertips (ee), palm heel (and), fingertips (uh), over and over. This batida is both taught and written as a succession of evenly spaced notes, but playing in Brasilian swing style (called swingee -- swing-ghee) is far removed from even spacing.”

On Lily Allen: “It pains me to say this because I really dislike Lilly allen, She is fantastically talented, I love her music”

- I guess this person is a friend of hers. Or should I say enemy? Because seriously, what else would they know about her beyond her “talent” and “music.”

Therefore, it is evident that a lot of people have lost any concept of what constructive criticism is or at least could be. So many of the comments are utterly pointless and have no degree of insight, distinction from a unique perspective, points of assistance, or even factual content. So, I beg of you; please leave me more of these pointless comments right here! Because, if for nothing else, they are good for one thing: my own amusement.

10-4 good buddies.

Return of the Mike

2007-02-21T00:26:00.001-05:00

It appears the winner was blogging.

Lent

2006-02-28T00:00:00.001-05:00

I like the idea of giving things up. I feel it can be quite honorable. My friend in college gave up napkins one lent. I gave up Contemporary Christian Music, although that was not much of a sacrifice. Anyways, I've been pondering some ideas of things to give up this Lenten Season. I've been thinking about things I'm pretty dependent on and deciding what would be an appropriate sacrifice. What do you think of these options?

1. Vowels: Ths wld b t hrd.

2. Wikipedia: I'm a fact nut and I can spend lots of time cycling through the interconnectedness of links here.

3. Times New Roman: I'm pretty dependent on it, but maybe its time for a little spice. Maybe a little webdings spice.

4. Sleeping in: I like to suck sleep up to the last minute. I feel this is crucial.

5. Blogging: Way to easy.

6. Use of the phrase: "being sweet" - is it necessary? I feel while it quintessentially defines me and my personhood, it may be played out.

7.Cracking my big toe: I do it a lot, will it cause me arthritis there?

12. Traditional Numerical and Chronological ordering

9. Not going to the movies: And I do mean give up not going to the movies. I haven't been for a long time and I like movies. I like to watch them.

10. Giving things up. Why not just take everything and become a packrat. Scott told me he saw a special about packrats and they wouldn't let people into their homes for like 10 years because they had so much stuff. This would be a unique life choice.

Movie Review: Vampire Bats!

2005-11-01T00:14:00.001-05:00

It seems obvious that the hit smash Locusts would be worthy of a sequel. I’m sure it was just a matter of pulling the dynamic duo of writer Doug Prochilo (credits include Locusts and Vampire Bats…that’s it) and director Eric Bross (credits include Martha: Behind Bars) back together and away from what must be the most demanded calendars in all of Hollywood. Thank goodness CBS was able to get them along with Dylan Neal and Lucy Lawless (Xena) to create the ultimate sequel. Just when we though “after that whole locusts thing,” that all was well in the world…enter the bats! Vampire Bats!

Xena again plays Dr. Maddie Rierdon, a scientist and professor now relocated with her husband (Neal) and family in Louisiana at “Tate University.” Tate has a pretty sweet party scene and while this movie takes place in December, it is blazing hot and frats have out the slip-n-slides. The main characters, whose names I couldn’t even find anywhere, enter as stereotypical counterculture-emo partiers. Dashboard Confessional rings during the opening scene so you know this movie can’t suck! What a rocking song! Props to the music supervisor for making me break out the Kleenex before any significant plot development. One may think the movie is taking aim at the cliques of college life because the main character’s claim of the frat boys and sorority girls that “they’re just simpletons (WC?) who think they’re cool.” However, this potential plot is quickly lost when the emo kids blend in and go to an “underground rave” where they partake in the ecstasy-spiked Planter’s Punch. One of the emo kids gets a little disoriented and ends up in the jungle. Honestly. The jungle. I mean, it is Louisiana but dude, he was in the jungle. And then he got eaten by Vampire Bats. Or so we are to assume because of the movie title. This is the first time we see the Bat-Point-of-View (BPOV) cam. This dizzying camera effect really puts you into the bat’s eyes…good thing they’re blind (as a bat). Wouldn’t that have been neat if they just used a black screen…I think it would have been much more believable and would have allowed me to relate better to the bats.

We are now reintroduced to Xena and Neal who are complaining about their relative who is coming to babysit. The relative, played by Brett Butler, is described as “an over-caffeinated Mary Poppins.” It seems a bit odd that CBS had to reach all the way back to Grace Under Fire to find someone to help out with this mega-smash-hit movie, but I digress. They redeem themselves by using a more current CBS star in Craig Ferguson. He plays the Irish fisherman who is the second victim of the Vampire Bats, BPOV-style again. The first commercial break happens nicely after a memorable shot of his fishing hat floating by itself. Tragic. Who’s going to be left to crack sub-Conan, super-Carson quality jokes for the rest of this movie?

Another potential plot becomes evident when the two remaining emos are accused of killing their friend. The headline from the Tate student paper reads “Vampires Among Us.” I wish this plot had been developed much more; however, this is quickly solved by Xena gaining an unquestioned all-access to the police case and absolves the emos of the crime. Xena and Neal find the fisherman in their front yard, by chance of course, and when the police get there she notes that there’s “guano” on the man…another clarifies, “that’s bat droppings.” Yeah, thanks, we all saw Ace Ventura II. A completely unnecessary (or necessary to the motley crew I was with) bra-scene enters and a student gets attacked via BPOV. However, she just gets rabies. We soon learn that some corruption is going on and that some illegal waste dumping has altered a species of bats to give them extra fangs, “they feed more frequently, and they’re deadly.” By the way, when they attack, they completely drain people of their blood; in like 30 seconds…this causes me to feel scared. Well done. After a nice cross-cutting sequence of Vampire Bats attacking a college rave and a high-brow boat party, a group of students ally with Xena to break the mandated curfew and the law by trying to capture some of the bats. They do and figure out that they are attracted to sound, or “have no taste in music” according to the resident comedian. The movie continues to twist and turn uncovering the corruption of the forest management guy who tries to kill Xena but dies. He dies in the process of killing all the bats by capturing them in a steam sewer and steaming them to death. This ending was much more convincing than Locusts, but that’s like saying you’re more convinced that Jason from MTV’s Laguna Beach is less of a womanizer than Ben Franklin.

So what is this movie really about? The most obvious theory is that this is a polemic against the Bush camp’s stance (or lack thereof) on global warming. One might find convincing evidence for this theory because of the discussion of the “hypoxic zones” in the Gulf of Mexico created by heat and wreaking havoc on species and weather. One might find even more convincing evidence for this theory because Timothy Bottoms, who plays the bumbling mayor of the town, is more well known for his portrayal of President George W. Bush in not only one, but two movies (DC 9-11: Time of Crises and The Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course). His accent and image is an unmistakable nod to G-dub. However, one would be foolish to come to this conclusion. This movie has nothing to do about politics. Locusts was about Red State/Blue State relations (see previous review). Vampire Bats, however, takes on something much more serious.

This movie is obviously about the flawed BCS ranking system. Here’s why. As many know, bats are a big part of Austin, TX. They fly in droves out from underneath some big bridge every night and fly down to Mexico, because, hey, cheap beer. However, the pro-USC Hollywood has been upset at the potential number one seed of Texas. Just think about it BCS is almost BATS. Vampire BCS…elbow nudge, huh huh!? Its an obvious connect. Furthermore, the setting in Louisiana reminds one of the USC-LSU-Oklahoma fiasco. In the vein of Pierre Bernard and his recliner of rage, "bottom line America: NCAA football needs a 16 team playoff structure to the post season instead of the vampire BCS!" All-in-all, this movie was pretty sweet, and I give it two 1970’s fan style thumbs down for being sweetly bad.

THE WORST MIXTAPE COMPETITION EVER!

2005-10-22T23:17:00.001-05:00

The results are in!

This is a summary of the worst mixtape competition, 2k5, WFUDS style. Three competitors…three mixtapes…five songs apiece…karaoke at stake. Let’s see what happened!

Kevin

1) OMC – How Bizarre

2) Spice Girls – Spice Up Your Life

3) System of a Down – BYOB

4) Jewel – Intuition

5) Lee Greenwood – Proud to Be An American (live)

Kevin puts forth a solid effort, especially with selections Spice Up Your Life and Proud to be an American. These two stand out in this mix. The System of a Down song is a nice touch, very “bad” in many degrees; however, it’s in such a unique genre of its own (that which I could not define nor critique) that it adds a difficult dimension to this list. OMC’s How Bizarre has a nostalgic quality for many of us. It definitely sucks, but in a catchy, positive, and creepy way. What are they really talking about? They get pulled over for having a cool car, they end up in a town that evidently just saw a circus roll through, and they have some sweeeeeeet trumpet flares. Spice Up Your Life, I feel, is the strongest selection. The second verse says “Yellow men in Timbuktu / Color for both me and you / Kung-fu fighting, dancing queen / Tribal spacemen and all that’s in between.” What in the world? Boiiiing? That verse alone makes this list tough to beat. The big finish of the live version of Lee Greenwood’s patriotic nut flex Proud to be an American is pretty nice. He’s a terrible singer and this version especially lets that be known since there is little to no actual music. Well done Kevin, you really sucked.

Garrett

1) Baha Men – Kokomo

2) Kenny Chesney – She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy

3) Backstreet Boys – Show Me The Meaning of Being Lonely

4) Celine Dion – My Heart Will Go On

5) David Hasselhoff – Rhinestone Cowboy

G. Vick’s strong start doesn’t disappoint. The Beach Boys’ version of Kokomo consistently makes worst song lists but those lists obviously haven’t heard the Baha Men’s rendition. You’d think one would pull the obvious Who Let the Dogs Out? when thinking of the Baha Men; but, G. Vick reaches deep to find this 8 minute suck fest. The Kenny Chesney choice is a good one, it’s a terrible song but country is too easy. Toby Keith’s I Wanna Talk About Me would have been much wiser. The BSB pick is nice. There are a lot of options when it comes to boy bands but this is a superior selection. The title and thus the song makes little to no sense. Also, unlike I Want it that Way and Backstreet’s Back, this song doesn’t rock. I mean, the lyrics don’t make that much difference unless it’s a ballad. This song sucks. Someone had to pick Celine Dion, and here Garrett picks well. Had he picked the version with the quotes from the actual movie, he may have won hands down. Solid selection here. To seal his mixtape off, he picks a sucky song by a suckier “artist.” Not quite a top 40 pick but a nice, random, terrible selection. Garrett, you suck bad.

Chad

1) Amy Grant – Baby Baby

2) Crash Test Dummies – Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm

3) Meatloaf – I Will Do Anything For Love

4) Sophie B. Hawkins – As I Lay Me Down

5) Presidents of the United States of America – Peaches

Chad, you were so close. Amy Grant’s “Heart in Motion” album was stellar; one of the best of the 90’s and Baby Baby is not a sucky song. It’s a tad cheesy, but unless you are totally opposed to synths, it’s a good pop song. The Crash Test Dummies song similarly is not “sucky.” Its really really odd and quirky and entirely a gimmick; however, it has some sort of novelty that allows it to be its own thing. It does partially suck. The Meatloaf song is redeeming. A truly terrible song with a good video, I Will Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That) has left thousands to wonder what he won’t do. My friends and I had a theory in college that the only thing he wouldn’t do is to not sing this sucky song…think about it. The Sophie B. Hawkins song is a good pick. It was only a pop hit because it’s catchy and uses the cliché of “As I lay me down…” Good pick. Finally, the PotUSA selection is pretty good. But again, like the Crash Test Dummies, it’s more gimmicky than sucky. The Meatloaf pick alone makes this tough to beat. Chad, you suck!

Conclusion:

This is tough but I have some good reasoning for this decision. The first place winner goes to….Garrett! Garrett’s list was very solid, and speaking in holistic terms, his list was the worst all around. Reaching into country and the more random picks helped but he didn’t have any weak picks. In second place comes…Kevin! Kevin’s list was really nice. I would not have put How Bizarre or Intuition on the list but the Spice Girls and Lee Greenwood picks make it a nice list. Chad’s list was very good however some of the songs were more gimmicky than sucky.

The Mandate:

Given these reasons, it shall be determined that Chad sings two songs at Karaoke. He shall sing Spice Up Your Life and Proud to be an American. For second to last, Kevin shall sing Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely. And for dipping a little too much into the random, Garrett shall sing My Heart Will Go On. All in all, this was a great kickoff to a potentially sucky annual or bi-annual event.

Quick! Make up a joke!

2005-08-11T21:24:00.001-05:00

My friends and I used to play a game where we'd interrupt a conversation or kill dead air by yelling "Quick! Make up a joke!" while pointing at someone. They would immediately have to say a joke without hesitation. The only guideline was that the joke had to be truly novel, not some preexsitent hilarity dwelling deep in the wastelands of her/his mind (or lack thereof). It was really a brilliant game that stretched our improv and comedic abilities. To make a long story short, most of the jokes sucked.

AFMike's Top Movie Quotes

2005-07-03T21:19:00.001-05:00

Here are quotes I would like to add (some made the original) to AFI’s list of the top movie quotes. AFI generally disregards more recent comedies in favor of remarriage comedies of the 1940s and 50s. Nothing against those movies, but some modern comedies have the art of the one liner down. Enjoy and feel free to add more. The following are in no particular order.

“Screw ‘em Angus.” - Angus

“Build it and they will come.” – Field of Dreams

“Weez the ju-uice.” – Encino Man

“If peeing in your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.” – Billy Madison

“We got no food, no jobs... our PET'S HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!" – Dumb and Dumber

“Y'know, it's not so much me as Roenick; he's good.” - Swingers

“You can trouble me for a warm glass of shut the hell up.” – Happy Gilmore

“Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!” – National Lampoon’s Animal House

“Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.” – The Princess Bride

“I’m an excellent driver.” – Rain Man

“Carpe Diem, Seize the Day boys, Make your lives extraordinary.” – Dead Poet’s Society

“Hoo-ah.” – Scent of a Woman

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” – Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

“A red sun rises in the east. Blood was spilt last night.” – Lord of the Rings***

“There’s no crying in Baseball!” – A League of Their Own

“Indy! Cover your heart! Cover your heart!” – Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

“You’ll shoot your eye out.” – A Christmas Story

“We’re on a mission from God.” – The Blues Brothers

Data: "Hey, McFly, you bojo! Those boards don't work on water."
Whitey: "Unless you've got power!" – Back to the Future Part II

“I don’t want a large Farva, I want a GD liter of cola.” – Super Troopers

Happy’s Grandmother: “My fingers hurt.”
Ben Stiller: “Well now your back’s going to hurt because you just pulled landscaping duty. Now you will go to sleep, or I will put you to sleep. Check out the nametag. You're in my world now Grandma.”
Happy’s Grandmother: “Oh dear.” – Happy Gilmore

“Vegas baby, vegas.” - Swingers

Happy: “Why because you’re black?”
Chubs Peterson: “Naw, damn alligator bit my hand off!” – Happy Gilmore

“Shampoo is better. I go on first and clean the hair. Conditioner is better. I leave the hair silky and smooth. Oh, really, fool? Really…Stop looking at me Swan!” – Billy Madison

Peter Gibbons: “Doesn't it bother you that you have to get up in the morning and you have to put on a bunch of pieces of flair?”
Joanna: “Yeah, but I'm not about to go in and start taking money from the register.”
Peter Gibbons: “Well, maybe you should. You know, the Nazis had pieces of flair that they made the Jews wear.” – Office Space

“If you're gonna stay home today, you can help me shave my armpits.” – Billy Madison

Stoner Dude: “Preston Myers? Well, he's tall, kinda. And he has kinda brown hair....not really brown, and he wears t-shirts...sometimes.”
Amanda: “So he's tall, kinda, and he has..hair, and wears t-shirts sometimes?” – Can’t Hardly Wait

“Look what you did you little jerk.” – Home Alone

“Alllllrighty then.” – Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

“That’ll do pig, that’ll do.” - Babe

“What about my butt? I work out all the time, plus reaping burns a lot of calories.” – Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey

Lloyd Christmas: “Excuse me, Flo, what's the soup du jour?”
Waitress: “It's The Soup of the Day.”
Lloyd Christmas: “Mmmm... that sounds good; I'll have that.” – Dumb and Dumber

“Just when I thought you couldn't get any dumber, you go and do something like this... and totally redeem yourself!” – Dumb and Dumber

“Get busy living…or get busy dying.” – Shawshank Redemption

“These go to eleven.” – This is Spinal Tap

“The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.” – The Usual Suspects

“Its knuckle puck time!” – D2: The Mighty Ducks

“Fooooor eeeeee vvveeeer” – The Sandlot

“Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.” – Billy Madison

“Sometimes Coach Hibble calls me crazy legs.” – Get Over It

“Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to seduce me.” – The Graduate

“Are you too good for your home!?” – Happy Gilmore

“Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.” – Dr Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

Samir: “No one in this country can ever pronounce my name right. It's not that hard: Samir Na-gheen-an-a-jar. Nagheenanajar.”
Michael Bolton: “Yeah, well at least your name isn't Michael Bolton.”
Samir: “You know there's nothing wrong with that name.”
Michael Bolton: “There was nothing wrong with it... until I was about 12 years old and that no-talent ass clown became famous and started winning Grammys.”
Samir: “Hmm... well why don't you just go by Mike instead of Michael?”
Michael Bolton: “No way. Why should I change? He's the one who sucks.” – Office Space

***This quote is actually the worst and most poorly delivered quote ever in the history of film.

My Musical Influences

2005-05-25T01:08:00.001-05:00

As a human musician, countless musicians have invariably shaped my musical interest, understanding, and output. I feel it my duty to acknowledge with a great deal of respect the outstanding figures in my own personal musical development. This extremely challenging endeavor will require me to limit my selections to only the major influences that I can label directly. I will list, in chronological order of my introduction to the artist/music, the artists that have directly affected my personal taste and output of music. Here goes everything…

Scott Joplin
Scott Joplin, Raffi, the Muppets, bedtime lullabies, and church music comprise my first musical memories as a child. However, none was more pervasive in my internal desire and enjoyment of music than the ragtime of Scott Joplin. Soon after my parents would tuck me into bed, they would set our primeval record player in the hallway playing The Sting soundtrack that included the music of Scott Joplin as performed by Marvin Hamlisch. The music kept me awake rather than causing me to sleep and my love of music was born and forever implanted at the fore of my dome. Of course, The Entertainer and Maple Leaf Rag were personal favorites but the gripping Solace remains one of my favorite compositions ever.

Musicality – 8

Influence on my performance – 7

Continuing/Current impact – 8

Overall love of - 8

Oldies, Chopin and Debussy
I hesitated to pick a genre of music but reflecting on my experience, the most important music of my formative years were “Oldies” (1950’s, 60’s and early 70’s) and the music of Chopin and Debussy. My father usually was singing Oldies along with the radio and my sister was quite often playing Chopin and Debussy on the piano. While I had no desire to perform Oldies or even Chopin/Debussy, the music undoubtedly influenced my musical hermeneutics. On many a Spring day, when the shadows of the window panes hit the floor just right, I’m quickly taken back to the sound and smell of my childhood home. That sound is always either Rain Drops or one of Chopin’s Nocturne’s. Also, random quotes from good times and great Oldies consistently pop into my mind and cause many awkward moments, usually going something like this: A guy named E will say something gross, someone else will say “Ewwww E, that’s gross.” I will then start dancing around and singing “Eww Eee Eww Ah Ah, Ting Tang, Walla Walla Bing Bang.” Cue the crickets. Alas, Oldies have instilled in me an inescapable love of 4/4 time and catchy melodies.

Oldies:
Musicality – Ranging but an average would be 6

Influence on my performance – 5

Continuing/Current impact – 7

Overall love of - 6

Chopin/Debussy:
Musicality – 9

Influence on my performance – 4

Continuing/Current impact – 5

Overall love of – 7

Weezer
What can I say? Weezer’s Blue Album is my favorite album of all time. The reasoning is simple. Weezer’s pop appeal combined with its Oldies-like melodies and guitar driven rock music was a timely component to my musical journey. As I was beginning guitar, the ability to learn simple, yet creative songs, was a redeeming aspect to listening. Furthermore, the Blue Album is the first album I listened to critically. While I still listen primarily to music and lyrics only as to how they work with the music of the song, I listened to the words of the album along with every production component. I can describe what instruments are used and how in every track. I completely dissected that album by listening to it every night as I was going to bed on my discman. While they lack in musicality or virtuosity, Weezer more importantly finds their own voice and conveys it as effectively and creatively as any other artist I have experienced. Weezer also blended a degree of reality to their music that I appreciate. Sarcasm, humor, depression, concern, heartache, love, redemption…it’s all there. The indie-like production of Pinkerton was a welcome addition to my musical collection. The Green Album was a much-anticipated release that caused great reactions of nostalgia and novelty upon a first and memorable midnight listen with my closest friends. Weezer’s music has been as much a corollary to my middle school and high school years as it has been to an eye-opening creation of music.

Musicality – 6

Influence on my performance – 5

Continuing/Current impact – 8

Overall love of – 10

Dave Matthews Band
While it seems to be a prerequisite for high school and college to listen to Dave Matthews, I use the geographical argument as my fallback. However, I have recently quit using that as an argument because I have absolutely no shame in citing Dave Matthews and the Dave Matthews Band as one of my main musical influences. Hearing his demo at an early age, hearing him playing in town early in the development of his band, and loving the releases of his albums through high school were valuable interactions between the music of this group and me. While I almost completely stopped listening to them after Before these Crowded Streets (a fantastically unique and well-produced album), I still enjoy the freshness, authenticity, and energy of the band.

Musicality – 5

Influence on my performance – 9 in high school, 4 currently

Continuing/Current impact – 5

Overall love of – 7

Funk
What is hip? Take for example Tower of Power, Average White Band, The Ohio Players, The Commodores, The Meters, George Clinton, Parliament, Kool & The Gang, Earth, Wind, and Fire, and Curtis Mayfield. At Governor’s School I fulfilled my interest in Funk by joining a killin Funk outfit we called Funk Nazty. Playing with advanced musicians at an early age was exciting, energizing, and inspiring. The main thing about Funk is that it is FUN! Not only is it fun but it is also generally creative and fairly reputable in terms of musicality. Most of it is very jazz-based, bass and drum driven, and made for live performance. I am partial to this genre because of my participation in a live band. Memories of performance are the reason I have to select the genre instead of one influential group. Nonetheless, Funk music is a central aspect of my musical interest and explains my love of underground hip-hop and jazz-based hip-hop.

Musicality – 7

Influence on my performance – 9

Continuing/Current impact – 8

Overall love of – 9

Agents of Good Roots
When I first became interested in what was beyond rock-music, I found funk music but still desired the need to rock out. AGR are another local group that have influenced me greatly. This band was incredibly creative while maintaining an ability to write catchy melodies. My constant impact to this point mind you remained melody and 4/4 driven (while interesting) rhythmically driven music. I loved AGR because Andrew Winn’s unique distorted nylon guitar sound with obvious jazz and classical influences started expanding my ears to what could be. I feel that AGR was the ear-opening group that connects my main musical interests. The groups/genres I have previously mentioned to the forthcoming ones. Also, AGR really kicked off my realization that music is meant to be played live. While I appreciate well-produced and creative studio work by groups, music is a medium that can evoke so much emotion when performed live. While the band eventually faded albeit great potential and opportunity, I remain loyal to their music and wish them the best. For some reason, this group, while most definitely a band, led me to listen to more and more alt-singer-songwriters. For example, an odd but direct extension of AGR was Jeff Buckley. His magnificent album Grace, one of the greatest albums of the 1990’s, seemed to have some sort of connection to the unique structuring of rock songs. I would not be surprised if AGR appreciate his work as much as I do.

Musicality – 8

Influence on my performance – 7

Continuing/Current impact – 7

Overall love of – 8

Monte Montgomery
My freshman-year college roommate introduced me to this Austin guitarist and songwriter. When I say guitarist I should specify by saying “mutant.” Monte led me to want to understand the guitar fretboard in its totality. While I do not consider him one of the most musical guitarist I have heard, he is endlessly creative and eternally able. Seeing Monte play an acoustic steel-string at warp speed with ridiculous passion was an encouraging sight and sound. While I have no desire to slash and play as fast as possible, Monte still had the ability to break out an amazing ballad, like his crazy good version of Romeo and Julliet. I spent a few years learning most of his tunes and solos to increase my soloing ability for standard progression music. Monte also led me to more musical and truly marvelous acoustic guitarists, Don Ross and Tommy Emmanuel, both of whom I have stolen many tunes and licks from.

Musicality – 6

Influence on my performance – 8

Continuing/Current impact – 6

Overall love of – 6

Wes Montgomery
In the movie Sweet and Lowdown, Sean Penn’s character is truly enamored with Django Reinhardt to the point that Django’s records cause him to sob uncontrollably. This is how I honestly feel when I listen to Wes. My love of melody and tone explains why I love Wes’ style over other famous jazz guitarists. I even have a hard time explaining my appreciation for his music in writing. His creative use of melodic variations, octave usage, phrasing, soul, and using only his thumb (like me) all contribute to the specific tone that I regard as the quintessential guitar sound. Thanks Wes. Beside Wes, I am most appreciative of Django, Joe Pass, and Joao Gilberto in terms of jazz guitarists.

Musicality – 10

Influence on my performance – 10

Continuing/Current impact – 10

Overall love of – 10

I notice many things from my list. If someone reads this, they still will not get a full picture of my musical influences. Where is the pop music? Where are the hymns? Where are the musicals? Where are those individual works like Palestrina’s Agnus Dei from the Pope Marcellus Mass? Another I note as a personal observation is where is the global music and music by females? Both have been influential but why don’t they make my most influential list? Nancy Wilson’s recording with Cannonball Adderly of Never Will I Marry may be in my top five favorite songs, but her music does not make my influences list. I am extremely interested in global music, specifically Bossa Nova and African indigenous music but these also do not make my most important list. My list is obviously guitar (lop)-sided whereas my general music listening is only slightly guitar-sided. I know I have forgotten many important and subliminal items and you may expect this list to change often. I wonder what will come in the future years. My ears are open as I hope yours are, too.

Best Drum Fill Ever

2005-05-24T23:10:00.001-05:00

At 3:43 in Phil Collins' In The Air Tonight.

Movie Review: Locusts

2005-05-04T00:05:00.001-05:00

"They're grasshoppers not tarantulas."

Well, you'd be surprised. They're more like resistant to like every single pesticide, can reproduce like infinity more times than a regular locust, and can travel totally like 300 miles in a single day. Peter, played by John Heard, who shares his stage name with his more worthy performance as Peter McAllister in Home Alone and Home Alone 2: Lost in New York. Peter makes it clear that these are his locusts..."My locusts!" The drama is set.

Lucy Lawless, or as I will call her Xena: Warrior Princess, is dealing with a dull marriage at home. "I'm just sick and tired of feeling like I'm married to myself." Her husband, some dude from some episode of Dawson's Creek, also feels the tension in this relationship. Her job as some uber-bug expert for some ridonculoid government agency is taking much of her time. He feels like her theme is "Bugs first." I could be wrong but when bugs take priority in a relationship, it may be time to check things out.

Xena wastes no time in dealing with the issue of Home Alone Dad's crazy bugs. She has them all torched. OR SO SHE THINKS! CBS geniuses thought that they'd totally shock the viewer with a twist this early in the film. Creative filmmaking. Six, hear this, six locusts escape originally. The filmmaking team also teamed up with CBS for another genius move: 20 minutes without a commercial. But not 20 minutes without an attack! Right before the first commercial break, two people are sleeping in a tent when locusts start popping through the ground into the tent and attacking them. The scene ends with a Dali-like close up of a locust's eye digging into what one can only imagine is human flesh. Even though the grain of this footage is totally different than the rest of the movie and it obviously looks like stock footage from Marty Stauffer's Wild America, one can only imagine what will happen next. If the drama in this scene were the drawing of a newspaper, it would be sub-Ziggy quality.

Two locusts escape on the East Coast and four hitch a plane ride to California. One may argue that it is too coincidental or just too scripted that the first place attacked is the town of Home Alone Dad. However, this involves clever watching. One realizes that this is just evidence of “his locusts” coming home. They locusts spread at massive rates from both sides of the country and aim their attack inward. They attack the coasts with a great degree of success and swam toward the heartland. A four-star military officer is dead set on dropping VX gas on the rural areas (“because not many people will notice”). At this point we start to see the underlying premise of this film.

The post-Rather CBS network is obviously shifting their political bent. This film is obviously a Red State propaganda piece. The locusts, a human creation originating in the Blue State areas, do not know what they are up against when they face the apocalyptically minded heartland. When the bugs swarm a Pittsburgh office building, a man starts railing with Biblical passages. This would not seem so unusual except his only role to this point was the suave businessperson who is the object of a young girl’s fancy. Obviously, this is a film. He starts pulling out his premillenial charts and scatting off verses. “The hand of God blacked out the sky… a swarm of locusts will come on the eve of the apocalypse.” How will the Red States prevail with a crazy military man trying to VX them?

Enter Xena. Instead of kicking some Tarzan butt or something, this time she cries, “I am pregnant and hormonal and you don’t want to cross this mother.” If she were pregnant with locusts I feel this movie would have (a) been much more exciting, (b) proved more biblically sound, and (c) been more realistic. Nevertheless, she regulates and the Red States rally to what may be the most anti-climactic moment in movie history…EVER! I’m serious, we’re talking more anti-climactic than Titanic. The Red States come up with the idea that locusts will be attracted to weather balloons and then all dive into two strands of power lines, one protecting the heartland from the East, and one from the West. Meanwhile, we witness the only death attributed to the locusts: Home Alone Dad. He cries, “Tell my family I love them.” While this is a valid and realistic line to deliver, something like “KEVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!” would probably have been delivered with as much believability. Do they seriously expect us to believe that when all it took was two locusts to start a swarm of billions (maybe even trillions!) that every single locust will crash into the same power lines in a matter of minutes? Alas, the Apollo-11 control booth starts cheering and all is well in the Red States. Furthermore, liberal scientists learn that they shouldn’t mess with God’s creation.

“My locusts? Pssssh…” said the Red States.

Movie Review: Spring Break Shark Attack

2005-05-03T00:33:00.001-05:00

The time has come. A new masterpiece has been born. Not since the production of the esteemed Good Burger have we seen a film director so preciously hone his/her craft. Finally Spring Break Shark Attack gives us a hyper-realist depiction of the emotional, romantic, and terrifying side of one wild week at a Florida spring break destination. SBSA is a made-for-TV movie by the CBS network. How could a movie fail with a tag line of “Spring Break is a time to go wild and have fun…but for these college kids, spring break bites!”? With the directing and producing team holding a repertoire of Road to Avonlea and Category 6: Day of Destruction. Throw in a few C-list actors and one can just picture CBS execs saying, “What we have here is something very special.” They don’t disappoint.

The plot is situated around Danielle (The OC’s Shannon Lucio), a college girl whose domineering parents have forced her to live at home while attending a local college. They try to prevent her from attending the traditional beach spring break and instead suggest she attend a Habitat for Humanity project in Colorado. In a heated conversation she reminds her father of his infidelity to gain the upper hand (a recurring trend). However, her parents prevail and she goes to Colorado…or so they think! Danielle has pulled the classic teen-movie switcheroo and told her parents she’s going to the Habitat project but instead heads off to meet her wild friends at a Florida spring break destination. Upon arriving, the viewer is treated to a great montage which includes a preview of the sweet possibilities of a traditional college spring break: beer bongs, jello wrestling, girls dancing, and gratuitous butt shots. Danielle’s friends encourage her ever so slightly to hook up with some guys. “This is like the perfect place for you to lose it.” We are introduced to Shane (Riley Smith, Eight Legged Freaks), Danielle’s spring break crush. Shane is trying to earn money with his mother’s (Kathy Baker, Shake, Rattle and Roll: An American Love Story) boat rental company to attend college. But to be a sweet movie, there needs to be a love triangle. Enter JT (Justin Baldoni, episode #1.7948 of The Young and the Restless). JT is a playa who is interested in Danielle. He and his friend Max are making a soft-core film called Girls Unleashed and he is probably interested in Danielle because he suspects that her breasts will get bigger and bigger throughout the movie, as they prove to do. The boys state that “the body is a beautiful thing that needs to be displayed…then paused, rewound, and shown again.” JT claims that Danielle is his “Everest.” Even though I doubt that Sir Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay needed roofies to conquer their great mountain, JT feels the need to compensate for his lack of chest hair by drugging Danielle.

This love plot remains a sub-plot amongst the more prominent premise of tiger sharks maliciously attacking the spring breakers. Six people die early in the movie and the sharks continue to pester. Charlie (Wayne Thornley, nothing else, call this his breakthrough performance), Danielle’s scientist brother pulls giant sea turtles from the water with one hand saying “Five, no six, adult sea turtles weighing about 175-250 pounds with massive bites taken from them by a large sea creature…Inescapable conclusion: sharks.” Even though he’s certain, we know one shouldn’t rush to conclusions. His science partner says, “You remember the boy who cried wolf? Don’t be the boy who cried shark.” But Charlie is convinced. Now that we’ve got that determined, the sharks, en masse, wreak all sorts of havoc on drunken spring breakers. Probably the most amazing scene in the movie is when a guy on a wake board and parachute flies right into the mouth of a shark. He makes little or no effort to avoid the shark that, on the other hand, remains completely still, agape even after the wake boarder flies inside its jaws. This is a redeeming scene because it is so realistic. The CGI in this movie is understated and effective and finally we have a vivid depiction of the way blood actually explodes from a human when a shark attacks. This movie supersedes Jaws in the fact that shark attacks actually look more like a person crashing into a strawberry slushee machine.

The movie is filled with many Emmy worthy deliveries. When JT first sees his best friend and business partner, Max, he says “How long has he been here?” One is immediately captivated by the depth of mourning he must be facing as he confronts his dear friend sans half of his torso. Shane grips the audience when he is trying to sway the sharks away from the drunken spring breakers he yells “Come and get it, you hungry?” And perhaps the best…JT yells to Danielle, “Swim for your life!” Once again this shows the director’s ability to step beyond typical Hollywood and capture a hyper-realistic element. One may think that “Swim for your life!” would never actually be said in reality. But this is where they are wrong, as SBSA convincingly shows. Shane’s performance is above par for a TV movie. While it may seem that many of the rest of the actors just seemed like they want to get home and watch typical TV, this is merely another tool of the director’s to show that these people are unsatisfied with not only their context (being attacked by sharks) but also with their inner struggles, again capturing the realism of life.

Furthermore, this is clearly a propaganda film made by Habitat for Humanity and joined by CBS. Too many spring breakers are choosing a traditional party atmosphere of Panama City Beach instead of more worthy charity work. Habitat for Humanity needed an outlet to gain some interested workers. What better demographic than a post-Cold Case and March Madness TV crowd. It’s an obvious linkage. The concluding question by Danielle to Shane of “Next year Cancun?” is a subtle hint that college kids just don’t learn from horrendous situations. SBSA was so brilliantly constructed and multi-leveled that intelligent and charitable college students will be able to determine that next year they should think twice before skipping out on the Habitat project in Colorado. Or else next year’s spring break will bite, too.

Finkle is Einhorn, Einhorn is Finkle!

2005-05-02T23:59:00.000-05:00

Tragically or untragically, I have decided to form a blog. Time and God alone will be the judge of this decision.