1.20.2009

On Being Tall...


The people have spoken.  In my first ever democratic blogging poll, seven (that's right...seven!) of you wish to hear about what it's like being tall.  First, some parameters...I am considered "tall" because at 6'4.5", I am clearly taller than the average male in the United States at 5'9.2".  FYI: One of the shorter countries is Indonesia where the average height for a man is 5'2.2" whereas, one of the tallest is the Netherlands at almost 6'1".  Because of my height, I cannot join NOSSA (the National Organization of Short Statured Adults) for men under 5'7" and women under 5'2".  I can however join a branch of Tall Clubs International which is for men over 6'2" and women over 5'10" and I can ride most amusement park rides. Heightism is a legitimate and growing concern for which advocates have raised legislation and proposals (although...I might add, these ventures have been heavily biased towards the causes of short people).  


Something I find amusing about height is how people seem to consistently lie about their own height.  This is particularly amusing given the fact that anyone who is able to see can simply assess a claim about one's height - but nevertheless, lies abound.  It is common in sports to list players at taller and heavier stats than they actually are, people who are just shy of 5 or 6 feet often round up even though it is clearly a lie, and some people just lie because they are weirdos.  The only time I have ever lied about my height is when I claimed to be 6'5" at my undergrad to qualify for a long bed.  Sue me.  Although it appears that now, the requirement has been changed to 6'3" - now that's what I call progress!

After looking around on the interweb to see what people list as the pros/cons of being tall, I was surprised at the abundance of trite and utterly obvious observations about these issues. You have trouble fitting into pants!?  OMG!  Cars and planes and beds aren't comfortable?  WTF!  You can see better at concerts?!  STFU!

I know those types of observations are not what bring the masses to the OME.  Here people crave truth - deep, pervasive, and life-changing insights.  So I present to you the serious implications that being tall has on one man's life in America.

Disadvantages:
1) I feel ethically obligated not to laugh at Randy Newman's song, "Short People."
2) I look like a total tool when I ride a bike, which I do every day.
3) Leg wrestling is often awkward and unfair for both participants.
4) Getting mistaken for Gheorghe Muresan.
5) Automatic fail at human tetris.

Advantages:
1) I can dunk the crap out of a basketball.
2) I can block the crap out of a short person shooting a basketball.
3) I can rebound the crap out of a basketball.
4) I can win the crap out of a jump ball against a short person in basketball.
5) I can be the crap on the receiving end of an alley-oop in basketball.

So, there you have it.  Everything you needed to know about being tall.  The tall and tall of it.

4 comments:

Aaron said...

You forgot one major disadvantage: you have to hear the "How's the weather up there" joke from a crazy uncle or kooky guy in line at the bank at least 13.5 times per calendar year.

Aaron said...

And, yes, I was one of the seven.

Brandn said...

I am short.

Disadvantage 1 - Anyone I meet assumes I possess a Napolean Complex.

Advantage 1 - Easy to find shoes on sale.

Anonymous said...

[url=http://www.onlinecasinos.gd]casinos online[/url], also known as inconstant casinos or Internet casinos, are online versions of commonplace ("chunk and mortar") casinos. Online casinos encouragement gamblers to angel false looking for capacity in and wager on casino games to a t the Internet.
Online casinos on average submit on the call odds and payback percentages that are comparable to land-based casinos. Some online casinos guidance higher payback percentages as a cure-all into location automobile games, and some stage a revive nearly known payout bit audits on their websites. Assuming that the online casino is using an fittingly programmed unsystematic uncountable generator, catalogue games like blackjack be blessed an established heritage edge. The payout length during these games are established sooner than the rules of the game.
Countless online casinos sublease into the open or be actualized their software from companies like Microgaming, Realtime Gaming, Playtech, Supranational Underhandedness Technology and CryptoLogic Inc.