The time has come. A new masterpiece has been born. Not since the production of the esteemed Good Burger have we seen a film director so preciously hone his/her craft. Finally Spring Break Shark Attack gives us a hyper-realist depiction of the emotional, romantic, and terrifying side of one wild week at a
The plot is situated around Danielle (The OC’s Shannon Lucio), a college girl whose domineering parents have forced her to live at home while attending a local college. They try to prevent her from attending the traditional beach spring break and instead suggest she attend a Habitat for Humanity project in
This love plot remains a sub-plot amongst the more prominent premise of tiger sharks maliciously attacking the spring breakers. Six people die early in the movie and the sharks continue to pester. Charlie (Wayne Thornley, nothing else, call this his breakthrough performance), Danielle’s scientist brother pulls giant sea turtles from the water with one hand saying “Five, no six, adult sea turtles weighing about 175-250 pounds with massive bites taken from them by a large sea creature…Inescapable conclusion: sharks.” Even though he’s certain, we know one shouldn’t rush to conclusions. His science partner says, “You remember the boy who cried wolf? Don’t be the boy who cried shark.” But Charlie is convinced. Now that we’ve got that determined, the sharks, en masse, wreak all sorts of havoc on drunken spring breakers. Probably the most amazing scene in the movie is when a guy on a wake board and parachute flies right into the mouth of a shark. He makes little or no effort to avoid the shark that, on the other hand, remains completely still, agape even after the wake boarder flies inside its jaws. This is a redeeming scene because it is so realistic. The CGI in this movie is understated and effective and finally we have a vivid depiction of the way blood actually explodes from a human when a shark attacks. This movie supersedes Jaws in the fact that shark attacks actually look more like a person crashing into a strawberry slushee machine.
The movie is filled with many Emmy worthy deliveries. When JT first sees his best friend and business partner, Max, he says “How long has he been here?” One is immediately captivated by the depth of mourning he must be facing as he confronts his dear friend sans half of his torso. Shane grips the audience when he is trying to sway the sharks away from the drunken spring breakers he yells “Come and get it, you hungry?” And perhaps the best…JT yells to Danielle, “Swim for your life!” Once again this shows the director’s ability to step beyond typical
Furthermore, this is clearly a propaganda film made by Habitat for Humanity and joined by CBS. Too many spring breakers are choosing a traditional party atmosphere of